News from the Room
Returning to work after loss
-
Practical Steps for Dealing with Grief in the Workplace
Returning to work after the loss of a loved one can feel overwhelming. Grief doesn’t adhere to a timeline, and the thought of balancing professional responsibilities with personal pain can be daunting. Many people feel the instinct to slip back into work as though nothing has happened, with the aim to avoid conversations or the vulnerability that comes with sharing their loss. However, the avoidance of emotional grief can make those inevitable workplace interactions even more challenging, often catching you off guard when you’re least prepared.
Having a plan in place can make the transition smoother. When we lost our daughter Billie, I was working for a company whose sole purpose was to provide once in a lifetime experience for kids. My role was supporting and preparing the families and children for their journey.
As you can imagine, I dreaded returning. I was deep in sorrow and had not yet learnt how to healthily manage my grief. I didn’t think I could face those conversations without being triggered and breaking down and feeling overwhelmed. But I knew I had to face work eventually.
So to navigate this, I proactively worked with my manager to create a return-to-work plan, focusing initially on administrative tasks instead of directly engaging with clients. This approach helped me regain my footing at work without overwhelming myself emotionally.
Understanding Workplace Reactions to Loss
One surprising reality I faced was how differently people react to baby loss compared to other types of grief. When someone loses an older family member or a friend, colleagues often acknowledge the loss openly, offering condolences. With baby loss, however, many people avoid the topic altogether. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that the subject makes them uncomfortable, and they fear saying the wrong thing.
Some colleagues may approach you privately to offer support, but you may find the broader workplace culture hesitant to engage in open conversations about your loss. While this can feel isolating, it’s important to remember that this avoidance reflects their discomfort, not a lack of care for your grief.
Practical Steps for Returning to Work After Loss
Before Your First Day Back
Schedule a Meeting with Your Manager
Reach out to your direct report to outline a return-to-work plan.
Be proactive, bring a framework for how you’d like to ease back into your role. For example, you might request a phased return, starting with less emotionally demanding tasks.
Discuss boundaries, such as whether you’re comfortable discussing your loss and how you’d like them to support you.
Connect with a Trusted Colleague
If possible, confide in a colleague you trust before returning. Share your feelings and ask if they can be a point of support or a buffer in those early days. Having someone on your side can make the transition feel less isolating.
Communicate Preferences for Acknowledgment
Decide whether you’d like your manager or HR to address your loss with the team before your return. This can set expectations and reduce the emotional burden of repeating your story multiple times.
On Your First Day Back
Be Kind to Yourself
Start the day with self-reflection. Take a moment to check in with your emotions and acknowledge how you’re feeling. This helps you approach the day with more clarity and resilience.
Set Realistic Expectations
Avoid placing pressure on yourself to have a “perfect” first day. Let the day unfold naturally without trying to control every interaction.
Control What You Can, Let Go of What You Can’t
As author Mel Robbins advises, “Let them.” You can control your actions, feelings, and words, but not how others respond. Let colleagues react in their own way without taking it personally. If they avoid the topic, it’s likely because they don’t know how to approach it.
Talk As Much or As Little as You Need
There’s no right or wrong way to engage with colleagues. If you feel comfortable sharing, do so; if not, keep conversations professional and concise. Listen to your emotional needs and honour them.
Moving Forward in the Workplace
Seek Support Networks
Many organisations offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) with access to counselling or support groups. Studies show that grief counselling can significantly improve coping mechanisms and workplace performance after a loss.
Establish Boundaries
Be clear about what you’re comfortable discussing and when. Setting boundaries protects your emotional energy while allowing you to focus on work.
Give Yourself Grace
As I’ve mentioned before, grief comes in waves, and so your emotions may fluctuate. Some days you’ll feel productive, while others may feel like a struggle, and that’s okay.
Final Thoughts
Returning to work after a loss is never easy. But by approaching it with intention, advocating for your needs, and leaning on supportive colleagues, you can navigate this difficult transition. Remember, grief is a process, not a task to complete, and it’s okay to carry that with you in the workplace.
The 411
This Week at Room Eleven
Bookwork: Grief Growth & Resilience
This week, I’ve been diving deep into the Grief, Growth & Resilience ebook. Once it’s ready, it’ll be available for free on the website, and I can’t wait to share it with you all.
This ebook is more than just a resource; it’s the foundation for the full-length Grief, Growth & Resilience book I’m working on. The book will go into greater detail, offering practical advice, like the one featured at the start of this week’s newsletter, and more personal insights.
Your feedback would mean the world to me. If you have ideas, tips, or suggestions you think could fit, please feel free to share them in the comments.
Video Essays
In between book chapters, I’ve also been working on something new: the first Room Eleven video essay. It’s not quite polished enough to publish on the YouTube channel just yet, but I will upload it early for you all here when its complete.
The plan is to publish one of these essays each week (or as the topics demand). They’ll explore themes mirroring what I’m working on for the book, and blending storytelling with practical takeaways. Stay tuned, I’m excited to see where this new project takes us!
Weekly Musings
What I’m Watching: The Americanisation of Britain
Watch Video Here: https://tinyurl.com/45fav9su
Lately, I’ve been stuck on historical video essays from Jimmy the Giant, a YouTuber who dives deep into fascinating topics with a mix of insight, wit, and humor.
His most recent video explores the Americanisation of Britain, reflecting on how the USA, shaped by English influence, has in turn impacted British culture.
It’s an ironic and eye-opening watch. If you’re a history enthusiast (or even if you’re not), I highly recommend checking him out. You’ll definitely learn something new!
What I'm Listening To: 80’s Style Synth Music
While working, I’ve been tuning into '80s-inspired synth music on YouTube. There’s something about those nostalgic beats that helps me stay focused and creative when I need to just lock in.
If you’re looking for a productivity boost, give it a try, it might just transport you to another era.
Interesting Finds: JBL Quantum Stream wireless microphone
For Christmas, Santa delivered something I’ve been excited to try: the JBL Quantum Stream wireless microphone. I finally put it to the test this week while working on my video series, and I’m impressed!
The sound quality is great, and it’s ridiculously easy to use. I just plug it into my phone, clip the wireless mic to my shirt, and voilà—studio-quality audio without the hassle of setting up multiple devices. It’s a game-changer for anyone working on content creation.
Quote I’m Pondering: “Let Them”
This simple phrase from author Mel Robbins carries a powerful message: allow people to make their own choices and live their lives without trying to control them. It’s not about indifference but about releasing the frustration of managing what’s outside our control.
At Room Eleven, this mindset aligns with our focus on growth and resilience. Letting go creates space for healing, both for ourselves and others. It’s about trusting the journey and focusing on what truly matters.
What’s one thing you can let go of today?
Upcoming Events and Projects: The Still Parents Podcast
This Monday morning at 7 am AEDT, I’ll be joining The Still Parents Podcast to share Billie’s story and my journey through grief, growth, and resilience.
The podcast is a refreshing and honest space based out of the UK where conversations challenge societal norms, especially around men and emotions. With candid, heartfelt, and even surprisingly funny discussions, it encourages embracing vulnerability over traditional expectations.
You can tune in wherever you get your podcasts, I’d love for you to listen in!
Returning to work after loss is never easy, but it’s an opportunity to redefine how you engage with the world. Setting boundaries, leaning on trusted colleagues, and having a plan in place can help ease the transition while honouring your emotional needs.
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and tough moments will happen, and that’s okay. Be kind to yourself and focus on what you can control. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting; it’s about integrating your experience into your new reality.
If you’ve been through this, I’d love to hear what worked for you.
Sharing our stories helps us all find connection and resilience.
Giving Back
Donate a Still Billie Box
Our care packages for families who’ve lost their baby, named after our baby daughter Billie. Offering comfort during what should be a joyful season. Your donation can make a real difference in allowing us to provide free Still Billie Boxes to hospitals across Australia.
Room Eleven is a social enterprise business and does not qualify for DGR status.