News from the Room
Suffering for Growth
Last year, during marathon training, I set a personal best (PB) for my 5km run—a record I’ve only just broken this week. Not once, but twice.
After 334 days of struggle without clear improvement, I’ve finally broken through. I’m running better and faster than I ever have. Which, in practical terms, means I can spend less time running. Yay!
In my talks, I often discuss the concept of Suffering for Growth—particularly self-imposed suffering.
When people endure life-altering pain or trauma, the natural instinct is to avoid anything that might bring more pain. But the hard truth is, pain and suffering are part of the journey. We can’t avoid them. That’s why I believe it’s essential to intentionally face challenges—so we’re better prepared for the ones life throws at us.
Doing something hard, especially something you don’t want to do (like running—because let’s face it, nobody really enjoys running!), and doing it consistently builds resilience.
It creates a deep belief that if I ever face another profound loss or trauma, I’ll have the mental fortitude to get through it. Not that it would make the pain feel any less, but I’d be better equipped to manage it in a healthy way—and to support others who might be walking a similar path.
This is what running for stillbirth has taught me. Every kilometre is a step toward building strength, resilience, and compassion—not just for myself, but for the people I hope to help.
What challenge will you take on to grow your own resilience?
The 411
This Week at Room Eleven
A New Role: Utah Stillbirth CRE Parents Advisory Council
This week, I was invited to join the Utah Stillbirth CRE Parents Advisory Council (PAC)—an opportunity I eagerly accepted. The PAC’s mission is to ensure parents’ voices shape the centre’s strategies and activities.
Our first meeting is scheduled for January, and I’m excited to contribute meaningfully to this important work. There’s also talk of a potential in-person meeting in the future, which might allow me to visit my sister in the US—a heartwarming bonus.
Sharing Billie’s Story at the Royal Women’s Hospital
This week, I had the privilege of delivering my Grief, Growth, and Resilience talk to clinicians and midwives at the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne.
Sharing Billie’s story with the team that cared for my wife and our daughter during her pregnancy was deeply personal and humbling. It’s a rare honour to speak to people who not only understand the clinical aspects of loss but also the emotional toll it takes on families.
Navigating the Subsequent Pregnancy Care Working Group
The week also included the first meeting of the Subsequent Pregnancy Care Working Group, featuring members from Australia, the UK, and the US. While these meetings can be intimidating for someone like me (no degree or higher education qualification)—especially when complex medical terms fly around—I remind myself that lived experience is its own valuable qualification.
I may not have a degree or formal training, but I do have a perspective that matters. My goal is to use that perspective to advocate for bereaved parents and contribute to meaningful change.
Image from the Perinatal Loss Study Session at the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne
Quote that shook me this week
"Be Present, Not Perfect"
During the perinatal loss study session, this simple quote stuck with me.
It was shared by a speaker addressing how healthcare professionals often feel anxious about interacting with bereaved families. Many fear saying the wrong thing and unintentionally adding to the pain. But here’s the truth: 90% of communication is non-verbal—tone and body language matter far more than the actual words.
By focusing on being present, listening, and showing empathy, you create a safe space for healing. And when you’re truly present, whatever you say will likely be the right thing.
This idea resonated deeply with me, not just in the context of healthcare but in life. Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give is simply our presence.
Weekly Musings
Reading : The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien
Order The Fellowship here or at your local bookstore: https://amzn.asia/d/a0nGjmT
Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring is a reminder that even the smallest of us can shoulder immense challenges when surrounded by the right people. Frodo’s journey is as much about resilience and growth as it is about the power of a strong community to share burdens and push forward together.
This idea of fellowship ties closely to the values of Room Eleven. The story highlights how individual strengths, differences, and even vulnerabilities can come together to create something greater than the sum of its parts. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up and doing what you can, even when the road ahead feels impossible.
I have a couple of editions of this book as I have read it a few times. But I’m mixing it up and adding the audiobook as a sidekick and the Andy Serkis narration is a great casting choice. He has a fantastic speaking voice and deeply understands the books as he played Gollum in the motion picture.
Do yourself a favour and get onto it.
Movie Recomendation : Inside Out 2
Available to stream on Disney+
Kids’ movies dominate my screen time these days, thanks to my three-year-old, but Inside Out 2 stands out. It’s fun, heartwarming, and surprisingly insightful.
One scene, in particular that sits with me, tackles anxiety and panic attacks in a way that’s both accessible and deeply moving. It’s a masterclass in emotional storytelling and a must-watch for anyone looking to better understand mental health.
Disney doesn’t always hit the mark with sequels, but this one is worth your time. You don’t need to be a child to take something new away from this film.
Things I’m Working On: Expanding My Talk
As mentioned, I was given the opportunity to talk in a professional capacity again this week. Something I’m really enjoying and becoming increasingly passionate about.
However, there’s always room for improvement. So I’ve been working on expanding my presentation to make it more versatile—something that resonates with not just healthcare professionals but also business teams, schools, and community groups.
My goal is to make these lessons universal, equipping people to navigate grief and find purpose, no matter their circumstances.
To Sum Up
This week was a reminder of the power of persistence, the importance of choosing hard things, and the value of simply showing up. Breaking my 5km PB after 334 days wasn’t just a fitness milestone—it was proof that small, consistent efforts lead to big breakthroughs.
Opportunities like joining the Utah Stillbirth CRE PAC and sharing Billie’s story at the Royal Women’s Hospital reinforce why resilience matters. Whether it’s self-imposed challenges like running or the ongoing work to support bereaved families, every step builds consistent growth and purpose.
Above all, the lesson that stuck with me was simple: “Be present, not perfect.” Real connection doesn’t require perfection—it requires care, authenticity, and a willingness to show up, even when the road ahead feels uncertain.
So, what’s your next step? Where can you show up this week to grow your own resilience or help someone else?
Giving Back
With Christmas around the corner, let’s spread some kindness
Donate a Still Billie Box
Our care packages for families who’ve lost their baby, named after our baby daughter Billie. Offering comfort during what should be a joyful season. Your donation can make a real difference in allowing us to provide free Still Billie Boxes to hospitals across Australia.
Room Eleven is a social enterprise business and does not qualify for DGR status.